2 posts tagged with "its-all-falling-apart"

For the past week, my nipples have been sore, and I've had worsening bouts of vertigo. My only explanation for this is that I might have sinus problems – although I don't know how that explains the sore nipples.

The vertigo had gotten so bad I decided to book a doctor's appointment. For some reason, the clinic booked it as a phone appointment. After a series of questions about how bad it was, when it usually happened, whether I felt like I was going to throw up when it happened, and whether anything made it worse, the doctor brushed it off as one of those things that just happens "with old age" – I didn't know that started at 25. They wrote a prescription for anti-nausea medication and said they would send it to my pharmacy.

I forgot to mention my sore nipples during the appointment. I don't know whether this would have changed anything – pinpointed some rare disease with odd yet specific symptoms. "Oh yeah – sore-nipple vertigo disease. Take two paracetamol a day until it calms down." Maybe next time.

The store had novelty dinosaur-shaped pasta labelled as "children's novelty dino pasta". CHILDREN'S novelty dino pasta.

It had been a bad week. I needed some novelty and excitement to help make it all more bearable and this novelty dinosaur-shaped pasta was just the thing to pull me around. But the implication that this was children's novelty pasta posed an issue. Was I in some way forbidden from purchasing this novelty pasta? Would a tired-looking 24-year-old buying novelty dinosaur-shaped pasta be some kind of social faux pas? Forever branding me as some kind of deviant weirdo in this small upmarket bulk foods store?

I was stuck staring at the novelty dinosaur-shaped pasta pondering this while few customers moseyed around the store. The world is a panopticon – through their eyes, they control. I had been looking at this pasta long enough. It was time to act.

And who decides which pasta is for who anyway? There's nothing particularly infantile about "dino-shaped" pasta, is there? Is there some point at which pasta must cease to be novel? To be without dino? I disagree. We must imagine the modes of spirit and thought that allow for such wonderful things as… cat-shaped croissants; large zebra-striped lamingtons; monkey shaped madeleines. And, novelty dinosaur-shaped pasta.

I selected a small disposable paper bag and filled it with the novelty pasta.